Friday, November 26, 2010

Black Friday & Natural Hair Products

You already know what I'm getting ready to ask. With literally every known and UNknown company offering some time of promotion today(and for Cyber Monday), I'm curious as to what my Naturalistas decided to splurge on product-wise.

Can't say I've purchased anything (yet), as I'm still trying to figure out if I wanna try something NEW, or stick with what works....even though what WORKS isn't on sale. Boooooooo I'm one of those ladies that while I can appreciate a sale, I don't like indulging and finding myself unsatisfied. No one wants to spend money on something that doesn't work, right?

Anyway, what have you all purchased? Any new products you wanna share with me that I may not have heard of or tried? Oh and if you have any coupon codes, please feel free to share! :P

ETA: I just purchased some Juices & Berries and the new Hair Dew by Oyin Handmade. :P

Natural Urbanista

Monday, November 22, 2010

Does Natural Hair = Creative?

While sitting and devouring a 1.5 quart container of Moose Track ice cream by myself (not literally....don't judge me! :P), I remembered a conversation I had with a gentleman while riding on the Metro last week.

It was a busy morning. Not during rush hour, but just before the rush of lunch so it had begun to get busy again. As I enter the train heading uptown, which is crowded, I notice one available seat beside a gentleman rocking a chunky fro and holding onto a book. For some reason, I either zoom in on hair or shoes now. :P I smile and a take the seat beside him. He breaks the silence by asking, "What is it that's smelling so good?" At first I thought he was referencing the fragrance I made(and was wearing), but right before his question, I had just popped in a piece of fruity gum. LOL! I think he was just trying to figure out how to drum up conversation and that was the easiest way without being awkward, I suppose.

Anyway, he begins small talk. Since we're in DC, naturally it went to politics first, then to literature, then to poetry and then to open mics. He asks me, "Do you do open mics?" I respond that I go to them to enjoy the talent. He then says, "You should perform at one." I ask him why and his response was, "You look like you're creative."


Let me recap what I had on:

Black shark bite sweater
Denim jeggings
Black motorcycle jacket (w/silverish grommets)
Black and silver leather moon hobo
Gray boots

Yes....a lot black and gray(silver). lol

And my natural hair was twisted into maybe 70 twists and piled into a bun on the top of my head. Not something that I think would evoke a "you look creative" comment, but the look works for me. Is this the look of someone with a lot of creative energy? Artists wanna chime in here? lol

Back to the convo..... The creative comment then opened a segue into him discussing that he was a poet and he decided to share some of his work with me on the train, which was cool. He was actually pretty good, but it was still a weird situation.

But the comment had me thinking...there are these perceptions that natural women are more "conscious", more in touch with themselves, more of whatever presumptions are floating around out there. And while many ARE those that have been mentioned, many of us aren't. Many of us are just women who happen to wear our hair naturally. Not necessarily artistic, not necessarily socially conscious, not necessarily more free-spirited. Just natural. Sometimes it's really just that simple.

Have any of you encountered those types of comments, or any comments that were motivated by the fact that you're natural?

Natural Urbanista

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Randomness: Choosing sanity over relationships

Been gone for minute, so please excuse my non-hair related rant. LOL!

In about 8 months, I will be hitting the big 3-0. I will likely be single and definitely without children. No, not trying to become my own self-fulfilling prophecy. Just being realistic. And after my last(and VERY brief) dating endeavor, I'm perfectly fine with that.

Let me explain....

I'm one of the easiest people to get along with. Really. But my tolerance for insecurity, neediness, and the constant need of validation is VERY low and anyone coming along with that type of baggage is a turn off....a HUGE turnoff. I'm not someone with the aforementioned issues, so should I be expected to compromise because of someone's interest in something more? Absolutely not! Why? Because I value my mental health.

Any time you encounter individuals who either take you out of your happy place, or make you feel like you constantly have to defend or counter misconceptions they've created in their deluded minds about you, then it's not worth it. When they make assumptions about you based upon their narrow views of the world and because of THEIR personal experiences, rather than taking the time to ACTUALLY LISTEN, it's not worth it. When they complain about all of the things you don't do(the entitled patriarchal mentality of some is astounding....but not surprising! lol), when you're not even seriously dating, nor have either of you scratched the surfaces of discovering ANYTHING substantive about each other(outside of his intellectual/mental deficiencies), it's not worth it. If every conversation ends with you ready to beat your head against a brick wall because that's far more appealing and satisfying than listening to nonsensical's JUST NOT WORTH IT.

I was told by this person that I'm selfish and that I take advantage of "nice guys". That was what pushed me over the edge and had me FINALLY say that I'm through. I'd never invalidate anyone's feelings, but when you push an INACCURATE opinion as a truth, yet again, and expect me to be okay with's not gonna work in the homie department, NOR in the friendship department. Nil. Funny that I was being painted as the user. I was being used to validate whatever that person had been missing up until that point. My attention filled some type of superficial void, and whenever I didn't[fill it], I was then made to feel like I was a jerk. Intentionally or not, I don't have the time. Especially when I've only known the person for ONE WHOLE MONTH. Yup, you read it correctly. A month. So who was being nice in dealing with alladis? LMAO! And interesting how women are often called the more emotional of the sexes. Such a sexist opinion that has been discredited so many times in my experience. :P

Or maybe I was a glutton for punishment; being the nice, understanding, compassionate person I've been told that I am(yadda yadda yadda....).

Anyway, because I AM much more guarded when it comes to the opposite sex now, and was told as a result, was "frigid"(his words....Ha!), I consciously tried to loosen up a bit. But honestly, all the loosening up in the world wouldn't have equaled compatibility. I choose sanity, over-all compatibility, happiness, etc. over a quasi and mentally draining POTENTIAL "relationship". Hell, potential FRIENDSHIP! I couldn't even call him a friend! Why should I or any other person have to choose one desire over another? Is it not feasible to maintain your sanity AND have a fulfilling relationship?

One-sided compromise is no longer part of my vocab. One should never have to compromise when the end result leaves you unhappy and/or discontent. I don't wanna have a perpetual headache AND concussion! LOL!

At the end of the day, in the words of Tamia:

I choose me....

Natural Urbanista