In about 8 months, I will be hitting the big 3-0. I will likely be single and definitely without children. No, not trying to become my own self-fulfilling prophecy. Just being realistic. And after my last(and VERY brief) dating endeavor, I'm perfectly fine with that.
Let me explain....
I'm one of the easiest people to get along with. Really. But my tolerance for insecurity, neediness, and the constant need of validation is VERY low and anyone coming along with that type of baggage is a turn off....a HUGE turnoff. I'm not someone with the aforementioned issues, so should I be expected to compromise because of someone's interest in something more? Absolutely not! Why? Because I value my mental health.
Any time you encounter individuals who either take you out of your happy place, or make you feel like you constantly have to defend or counter misconceptions they've created in their deluded minds about you, then it's not worth it. When they make assumptions about you based upon their narrow views of the world and because of THEIR personal experiences, rather than taking the time to ACTUALLY LISTEN, it's not worth it. When they complain about all of the things you don't do(the entitled patriarchal mentality of some is astounding....but not surprising! lol), when you're not even seriously dating, nor have either of you scratched the surfaces of discovering ANYTHING substantive about each other(outside of his intellectual/mental deficiencies), it's not worth it. If every conversation ends with you ready to beat your head against a brick wall because that's far more appealing and satisfying than listening to nonsensical reasoning....it's JUST NOT WORTH IT.
I was told by this person that I'm selfish and that I take advantage of "nice guys". That was what pushed me over the edge and had me FINALLY say that I'm through. I'd never invalidate anyone's feelings, but when you push an INACCURATE opinion as a truth, yet again, and expect me to be okay with it.....it's not gonna work in the homie department, NOR in the friendship department. Nil. Funny that I was being painted as the user. I was being used to validate whatever that person had been missing up until that point. My attention filled some type of superficial void, and whenever I didn't[fill it], I was then made to feel like I was a jerk. Intentionally or not, I don't have the time. Especially when I've only known the person for ONE WHOLE MONTH. Yup, you read it correctly. A month. So who was being nice in dealing with alladis? LMAO! And interesting how women are often called the more emotional of the sexes. Such a sexist opinion that has been discredited so many times in my experience. :P
Or maybe I was a glutton for punishment; being the nice, understanding, compassionate person I've been told that I am(yadda yadda yadda....).
Anyway, because I AM much more guarded when it comes to the opposite sex now, and was told as a result, was "frigid"(his words....Ha!), I consciously tried to loosen up a bit. But honestly, all the loosening up in the world wouldn't have equaled compatibility. I choose sanity, over-all compatibility, happiness, etc. over a quasi and mentally draining POTENTIAL "relationship". Hell, potential FRIENDSHIP! I couldn't even call him a friend! Why should I or any other person have to choose one desire over another? Is it not feasible to maintain your sanity AND have a fulfilling relationship?
One-sided compromise is no longer part of my vocab. One should never have to compromise when the end result leaves you unhappy and/or discontent. I don't wanna have a perpetual headache AND concussion! LOL!
At the end of the day, in the words of Tamia:
I choose me....