Monday, April 19, 2010

He loves you, but.....


Does he love your hair?

I’ve been fortunate throughout the years in that every guy I’ve seriously dated since going natural loved my hair. When I went natural, my then SO was accustomed to my straight hair, since that’s how he met me. And he was also used to playing in my hair, so to go from straight to curly required a little adjustment. Plus the no touching rule was tough on him! Mess with the fro and it was go time! LOL! Or I’d shake my head like my rabbit shook his ears. He always got a GOOD laugh out of that. But even though he couldn’t run his fingers through it, he loved me and supported anything that I did.

I haven’t had to deal with the non-approval from any SO’s OR family. It’s always interesting to me when I read about other natural’s struggles with acceptance from those that they love. I don’t know how I would feel if my SO turned his nose up in disgust or if he ever told me how much better I’d look if my hair was straight.

My hair isn’t naturally straight. Deal with it.

I’m sure it’s even MORE difficult if you’re married to this person. I’m a pleaser and of course I’d want the guy I’m in love with to love everything about me. It would hurt to hear disparaging comments about my hair. In fact, if I was the old me (wanting to please AND lacking in self-esteem), I’d probably go back to being relaxed. Sometimes when you get "beaten" down emotionally/psychologically by those whose opinion you value, you crack and revert under pressure. Hell, some crack under general pressure!

But luckily I’m not that person anymore.

You have to love ALL of me, not some of me, and a part of me is my hair. You can like the look of straight hair, but to hate something natural on the woman you supposedly love is effed up!

I will say that many of these guys and family members were ALL influenced by the social conditioning that continues being perpetuated by the straight=good and kinky=bad mentality. It’s not something that will change overnight. I think if he sees how much YOU love your hair and yourself, he’ll have no choice but to love all of you too. It’s like that song you hear all of the time. You may hate it in the beginning, but it grows on you after awhile. It’ll grow on him. But if not, so what! LOL! At the end of the day, you have to be happy with the person you are and the person you’re becoming. Nothing else matters. :)


Frenchie said...

its so strange that our natural hair is treated like an oddity at times. on a whim. i told my ex I wanted ot go natural and he flipped out. he said i didnt have the "face" for it and it wouldnt be cute. to think i dont have the face to rock my God given hair texture?! smh indeed

KP said...

You don't have the face for it? Wtf does THAT mean? That's like saying you don't look right in the skin you're in. Ugh.

You know what's even weirder? I've encountered loc'd brothers, or specifically ONE in particular, who was talking about how [Black] women need to have their hair DONE. As in, straight and styled. I had to break it DOWN on him and call him out on his hypocrisy. He apologized....but geez. These types of conversations shouldn't even be necessary.

Frenchie said...

I think we forget what natural is these days. My hair is permed and I, quite honestly, assumed it was natural for your mom to braid and take care of your hair until about 15-16, then you get a perm. in high school, We used to look upon the 1 friend I had who's mom refused to perm her hair with pity. It was not until college that I met black women who were willingly natural and while it's not the style I currently embrace for myself, I think it's as beautiful as any other

KP said...

I agree. Natural isn't what IS for some. It's a style, just like if you decide to straighten. It's not JUST a style. It's a state of being, and sometimes a form of acceptance. While I know many who accept their hair and still straighten(I flat-iron from time to time), many don't.

Ultimately, you just gotta do what makes you happy. It's individualistic.

Thanks for commenting!

Fleurzty said...

Funny I read this today! I am writing a post or series, however it turns out, on this very thing. I will let you know when it's up. We share some of the same opinions on the subject!

Great post!

KP said...

Thanks, chica! I look forward to reading your thoughts on the subject, too.